


Float (don't leave me with my thoughts please)

by Mc_yt_simp



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Angst, Rants, Self-Harm, poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:00:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29988060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mc_yt_simp/pseuds/Mc_yt_simp
Summary: self-harm implied if you feel uncomfortable don't read please
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	Float (don't leave me with my thoughts please)

**Author's Note:**

> self-harm implied if you feel uncomfortable don't read please

I want to float

I envy sea life

Peacefully gliding through the water without a care in the world

_~~But predators lurk in wait for food~~ _

Can you float in water?

Hmm.

Laying out on your back

letting your body relax in the freezing cold water

Water seeping into your hair

Ears ringing as they go underwater

Screaming as their lungs are filled with water

Drifting off

Suddenly

Sinking down

Water enters your nose

Salt making themselves at home in your nasal passage

Icy water paralyzes your body

Panic settles in

But you feel so free

~~But it hurts...~~

Your eyes burn as you watch bubbles of your last bit of air escape you

You feel so free

You feel your essence drain away to be one with the ocean

I jolt awake

water burns my nose as I emerge from the water

"Did you fall asleep in the tub again?"

Mother seems displeased

"The water was relaxing, I apologize"

I don't wanna float in water, you sink after a while

I want to float

I envy the clouds in the sky

Drifting without the suffocating stress of the world

You can float as a cloud right?

Hmm

Curled up in a ball

wind whistling in your ears as you plummet to the unforgiving ground

Your head spins as the density of the air changes rapidly

It's peaceful

You can't bring yourself to peel open your heavy eyes as you fall so peacefully

Then a voice

_~~you're going to die~~ _

Your eyes peel open and you see the cracked pavement that was oh so inviting

With spread arms

You go to embrace mother nature who stands with her arms open wide for you

"Fall into my arms my child, come back to me"

A smile graces your face as you reach out for her warm embrace

In an instant

Everything goes black

I don't wanna float like a cloud

You always return back to the world that pleads for more

"Come inside it going to rain, you'll trip and fall on a wet trampoline"

Mother

I crave her embrace

But it isn't as welcoming as Mother natures

I always see people smoking as I walk home from school

"Being high is a way to escape reality kid"

I tried a cigarette before when I was little

Flicking on the flame

Watching as the white wrapping slowly lit

Bringing the bright yellow end to your mouth

You smell the pungent smell of the man-made cigarette in your nose

Inhaling once

Smoke fills your lungs and the urge to cough came quickly

Throwing the cancer-in-a-stick to the ground

You double over in pain as your lungs squeeze themselves

A cruel punishment fit for tainting your body

I don't want to float that way

ew

"Is someone burning something in here?"

You quickly stomp the lit abomination until the fire is out before kicking it away

"I was about to light a candle mother"

A cruel lie leaves your lips

It makes your skin prickle as you give Mother an uneasy smile

I want to float

_~~Grab a razor blade~~ _

What?

_~~The pain will take everything away~~ _

Hmm...

You grab your razor from the sink and pull it apart

The metal glistens in the low light of the bathroom

Unease fills you as you stare at the sharp metal

Bringing the metal to your thigh

You press the metal into your skin

Watching as a crimson bead of blood leaves the cut

Pleasure fills your body as you pull the blade across your thigh

Bronze skin is painted with bright crimson

Dripping to the ground with a barely audible _plip_

The cuts burn as you stop floating

Pain rushes to your body and mind as you throw the blade across the tile

You sink to the ground as the aching pain of reality files in

I don't want to float like this

"Don't drift off while you're holding a knife"

You jolt as reality clears and you look down at your uncovered thighs

the tanned bronze-colored thighs remained clean without scars

You look down at what you're doing

"Finish chopping the carrots and put them in the pot please"

Right

You were cooking

Fun

I want to float

Why can't I?

Why am I being chained to the earth and not drifting away into the void?

_~~Do you wanna float?~~ _

_Yes_

Relieve me of this cruel pain

Free me of my thoughts

Cure my incompetence

Heal my invisible scars

Embrace me with freedom

But

Like everyday

My mind drifts

And a new daydream graces me

I just wanted to float.


End file.
